I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
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Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
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Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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