How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you had me at cake vodka
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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