dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
