R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
