I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
