I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
