there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize