i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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