I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
