It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
40s are totally the cure
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
