so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
