He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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