I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dignity is for republicans.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
