Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
did i just pee glitter
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
