Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we made out on top of his cat.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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