I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
