I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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