we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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