the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
