dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
