How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
