So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
