I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
