omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
NoShamevember. You game?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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