Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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