hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
