i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
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THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
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I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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