wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize