she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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