I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
