I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
