we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
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This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
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It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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