i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
