ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
