I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
