i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
