you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
