btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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