You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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