I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
