You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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