Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I didn't notice because vodka
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
