This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
