im six kinds of drunk right now
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
