Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
