at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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