she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
