I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
