Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your penis caused this!
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