he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize