I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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