i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
