On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Come see our sink grown plant.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"