your thong is hanging out like whoa
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?