I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
