well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
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having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
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I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year