did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy