dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.