If that was your dad, he is hot
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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