Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
