Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
