If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
