Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
