I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
