Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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